Unfortunately recently, one of our beloved dogs passed away at the ripe, old age of 15.5 years. She lived a really good life and it was THE hardest decision I have ever had to make to put her down. They say you know when its time in your heart and it’s true. We had a couple brushes with the decision a few months prior to when we did it, but the last time you could tell she was saying her forever goodbyes and pulling away. My hubby and I had never been through losing a pet, or as we feel a family member, and never dealt with the topic of death with our 5 year old. We didn’t know how to help him understand the idea that our dog was dying and that when she passed we would not see her ever again. I didn’t know how to help my son let alone how to help myself. I still don’t know how, but I do know that it is really hard to lose your best friend. The person that greets you at the door each and every time you leave. Kisses you endlessly and loves you unconditionally and is your constant companion. So how do you help your child grieve when a pet dies?
Some of the tools that have helped my little guy through this hard time are:
- Being HONEST: This is tough. Be honest with your kids that your pet has a few days left. This gives them time to wrap their heads around this idea. It gives them time to grieve while your pet is still there. It gives you time to cry together, take pictures together and share sweet/funny stories about your pet. Spend as much time as you can with your pet and your kid together so that they feel like they were “in the loop” about this process, a part of the family and left with some beautiful memories.
- Drawing Pictures: Sometimes for the little ones, drawing pictures is a good way to get emotions out that they are feeling out . It also gives them something to do when they feel hopeless and it makes them feel good to make your pet a painting or drawing. It is one of the most precious keepsakes I have from my dog passing. My son drew a picture of how he remembered our dog.
- Writing a Card: Another great way to help your kid talk about how they feel about their pet and what their pet means to them and what they want them to know. My son hung up this giant card where our dog was sleeping and now that she is a “Spirit Dog” he hopes that she still reads it and knows that she will be forever a part of our family.
- ORDERING 2 Books: These 2 books were lifesavers. They explained a pet dying better than I ever could.
- Memorializing your pet: Talk to your child about how they would like to remember their pet. We found some great options on Etsy, like memorial plaques, stones, frames, etc. This has helped my son feel important and help him cope with losing his best friend. It also helped our family think about what our dog liked and what she would like. For us it is a veggie garden with a plaque that has yet to come in the mail. Our dog LOVED food and we know she would like eating in the veggie garden if she was still around. It can be anything.
Nothing about this process is easy. It’s not easy to grieve yourself while helping your child grieve, but being honest, talking and love go so far in this process. We are 3 weeks from when dog became what we call a “Spirit Dog” who lives in our heart and is with us every day, but there are still tears and a sense of emptiness in the house. I am learning it is OK to feel like this. We did our last act of love which was letting her out of her pain and being with her until the very last minute. My heart is with you if you are reading this and about to go through the process of when a pet dies.