Today I hopped over to the CBS studios to talk about Amy Schumer and her recent Marie Claire article. We know Amy to be honest yet crass comedian and personality and the article definitely was done in her style. One of the most interesting pieces was when she revealed that the first time she had sex, there was no consent on her part. This is an excerpt from Marie Claire:
“My first sexual experience was not a good one. I didn’t think about it until I started reading my journal again. When it happened, I wrote about it almost like a throwaway. It was like, And then I looked down and realized he was inside of me. He was saying, ‘I’m so sorry’ and ‘I can’t believe I did this.'”
As a survivor myself, I feel you Amy. You never want to think that a boy/girl you like or perhaps even think you love would ever want to hurt you. You feel guilt for thinking that this “person” who cares about you just completely violated your trust and body. Amy has been chastised as not being the “perfect victim.” Is there such thing? NO.
As a teenager when my incident occurred, I knew I should tell my parents and the authorities but I truly believed that somehow, some way this was partially my fault. No amount of education on the topic would have made me feel differently. Should I have said NO differently? Was I straight forward enough? Did I lead him on? So much embarrassment, guilt and insecurity surrounded me…all I wanted to do was forget it ever happened. So NO there is NO PERFECT VICTIM. We all cope with it differently and it is ok. As a victim, you are already dealing with enough..let’s not continue to shame him/her because he/she did not deal with it correctly in your eyes.
Some people report it right away, some people become depressed, some find support groups and others find different coping mechanisms like Amy…comedy. How you deal with it OR not deal with it, does not make you any less a victim. NO always means NO. I do like that there is a new culture around sex. We are moving towards saying it is NOT okay unless both parties say YES. This way we are empowering people to make a choice for themselves and not feel like they are trying to protect themselves.
My final thoughts are this…I know Amy Schumer has gotten flack for talking about rape and consent in a very crass and light way. The haters have tried to get her show Inside Amy Schumer cancelled because of the way she talks about rape and consent. I see where they are coming from. Every person that has been a rape survivor may not agree about how she gets the message out via comedic sketches, but I think if you take a step back and look at the bigger picture you will see that she is actually bringing a lot of light to this topic. She uses her celebrity influence to start a LOT of conversation about this dark topic on popular media channels. She makes other young girls/boys who are victims not feel alone. For me, she also inspires women in particular to say, if she can talk about it…so can you and that YOU are not alone.
Does Amy’s experience affect her? I dont know because I have never met her, but from my perspective her comments about her relationships always ending is a side affect of her trauma as a teenager. I think she doesn’t want to get hurt again, so she has walls up. If she already has one foot out the door, it will be easier for her to recover. Another man will never hurt her again if she never allows him in.
At the end of the day, I am giving you HIGH TENS Amy Schumer! Keep the sexual assault/abuse conversation going. I cannot wait to read your memoir “THE GIRL WITH THE LOWER BACK TATOO” when it comes out!